Isaiah 54:17 " No weapon forged against you will prevail..."

  

Hellooooooo again, everyone.

It's my day off and it has been wonderful. Seriously. It's about 8:30pm now. I'm at the coffee table in the kitchen listening to Phil Wickham and drinking hot tea... Haha, I guess that makes me an official New Yorker with the hot tea and all. It's green tea with steamed soy milk, clover honey, and vanilla extract. Yummmmmmmmmm!  I have stayed inside all day and piddled. It's been in the single degree digits today! I spent the majority of my day reading. I don't know if you guys are aware that I am a ridiculous book worm or not, but it is true. I've powered through two Francine Rivers novels in a fairly short amount of time. The reading thing comes from my mom. I remember she used to always read when I was little.

Anyways, about this week. It has definitely been a challenge. Spiritual warfare is more real to me than I ever would have guessed. Satan has truly been trying to sink his teeth into me. He has been intimidating me through the words and actions of men in business suits, the homeless, men in white robes  in the subway proclaiming the "gospel"( this is the subway incident...I'll explain later.)He did a pretty good job at the beginning of the week manipulating me under the facade of my own free will. Towards the end of the week, and after a conversation with a lady friend from home, it finally hit me what was going on. Boy, did I see satan in a real way after I woke up from that spiritual slumber. I woke up two nights ago sweating and shaking in my room. I was terrified and had no logical explanation. I knew something was very wrong, I could feel it, so I tried calling out to Jesus. I was shocked when I didn't hear my words go beyond my mouth. My tongue was paralyzed. I was kept from saying His name. I think it's safe to assume that satan had to try at me one last time before he conceded for a time. I was too close to a breakthrough. If he had his way, I would have spent the entire night afraid and sleepless, unable to teach the next day-- which happened to be my first day teaching alone without Chris supervising. After quite a struggle, I remember finally getting His name out of my mouth. I don't remember anything after that. I woke up and read the Word and realized that God's word is the only thing that can protect me from the Devil's attempt at my attention. The first day of teaching by myself went awry. I had had a feeling when I woke up that the battle was not quite over yet. I won't go into a lot of detail, but my plans pretty much crashed and burned that day. What I wanted to talk about didn't go over the way I desired. One of the older boys ( only three years younger than myself) would not submit to authority and caused a scene that single handedly usurped my plans and dreams of how my first day would go. Needless to say I was disappointed. I kept my head up though. I got an encouraging call from Chris who had been in Syracuse for meetings and such, and that helped. I had to focus on the Lord. I'm not usually afraid of too much, but as soon as I clicked the light off in my bedroom the next night, I ran like there was fire under my feet( or perhaps an 8 year old girl afraid of the dark) to get into my bed and get under the covers. I didn't want to linger in my dimly lit room for too long, not in light of the night before. I felt foolish once I sprinted to my bed and was under my covers. Hopefully my roommate didn't hear the patter of my feet racing from the living room. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I have known this in my head for quite some time now, but now had to apply to my heart, and consequently let it spill over into my actions.

The next day came, and I was still alone to teach. I slept well the night before and felt more rested. I got to sleep in because I stay later on Wenesday nights because of the soup kitchen Graffiti does in the basement every Wednesday at 6. I got to the office. Piddled a bit up stairs, then went down to the room where the after school program meets. I took my guitar and sang to the Lord. I didn’t was the fiascos of the day before to affect this day. The day was new. His mercies were new. I’d prepared a lesson on Identity. It’s funny how the things we teach about, lecture about, or gripe about are usually the things we struggle with the most. The identity lesson was devised for the kids, but was just as much for me as it was them. We talked about association. I’d say, “ Just do it,” and they’d say “Nike!”; I’d say “MMM MMM Good,” and they’d say, “ Campbell’s!”. The list went on, “Have it your way,” “I’m lovin’ it,”, “ Melt in your mouth not in your hand,” “Easy, breezy, beautiful,”...etc. Towards the end of the list, I shifted a bit. Instead of a slogan, I’d say, “Black.” The barrage of questions came. Was I talking about the color, or the dark, or the people... I told them they were over analyzing. I got back to the game and simply said, “Black...” I heard poor, crime, African. “White...” Rich, snobby, blonde, preppy. “Hispanic.” Poor, laborer... Leave it to a group of mostly middle schoolers to be completely candid as they answered. It’s what I was hoping they’d do so. After talking about stereotypes, we went on to talk about examples of how tv, magazines, and popular music also tells us who we are or should be. I then asked them to tell me some stories about how their identity was mistaken due to a stereotype. They recalled stories of how they’d been in a store with their white or asian friend and they were the ones who got there pockets checked before leaving, and not their friend. How Jorge, who is Honduran, is always being called an African American simply because he has black skin. There were a lot of stories. That’s when I told them about the subway incident. I talked with them about things that do not make up a persons identity. Clothes, cool kicks, skin color, hair texture, your friends opinions, the fact that you got detention yesterday, your family's history, your past sins, or even your opinion of yourself sometimes. I read them verses about being knit together by the Lord in their mother's wombs. How those who are in Jesus no longer live by the standards of the world. Our identity is hidden in Christ. We are children of the King.

OK, so after I wrote that last sentence I fell asleep. Now it's Saturday and I WILL finish this.

Finally, the subway incident explained,

I was at Delancey and Essex down  in the sub station waiting for the J to take me home after work. There were men in white robes decorated with the star of David. I'd never seen anything like them. They had the stars of David, yet had a New Testament in their hand. They were yelling. I could hear them all the way from the surface as I was coming up to the station. I went down the stairs and they got louder as I waited. " ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE WICKED AND ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL." They'd scream. They were using countless Bible verses that I was familiar with but instead of saying "the wicked" they said "the whites". I could tell the yelling turned for a worse as I waited on the platform. I was the only white person in the crowd at the time.  Everyone around me seemed a little annoyed at their yelling, but they also weren't the obvious target of their fierey opinions. The two men doing the yelling looked at me and asked, " Do you think you'll be able to pay for the sins of your fathers?" I just looked at them. I was shocked. They both just started cackling in my face. "That's right. Nothing. She knows where she's going once she leaves this earth."I, of course, didn't retaliate. I know a lie when I hear one. Of course I can't pay for the sins of my fathers, and their fathers, or for any sins in my family. Jesus died and did that once and for all for those who will simply be humble and accept His free gift. I no longer buy into familial curses. I have been redeemed and my sins wiped away. He went on and said that Jesus hated us "whites" and we'd be the one enslaved one day. White colored people are the obese ones, the reason corporate america is corrupt, the reason for this, and for that. The taller man with the Bible looked at his friend then looked at me and yelled. "WHERE'S THIS YOUNG LADIES MOTHER GOING?" the other man would sound off " HELL"; "WHAT ABOUT HER NEICES AND NEPHEWS WHO JUST LEARNED HOW TO WALK?" ..."HELL"; "WHAT ABOUT HER GRANDMA WHO'S SICK IN THE HOSPITAL DEPENDENT ON OXYGEN TO LIVE"..."HELL". It was quite the experience. The other 4 men in the group were on the hunt for any non-white. They were talking to them about how whites were the sources to every problem they had in their lives. I knew what was going on. Just like satan to encourage the blame game. He really isn't all that creative. It's been the same since the beginning of time. It's how he convinces us our sins aren't that bad or don't count. It's nothing I've done, it's because he or she hurt me so bad, that's why I can act this way.  Blame encourages war. It encourages racism. The blame must fall on some other people group, some former boyfriend or girlfriend, some parent, anyone but yourself. Personal responsibility flies out the window and blame becomes our escape and our hiding place. I started thinking about how long I bought into that way of thinking. Also things that I currently struggle with have to do with blame shifting. How funny I'd learned something from these men after all. The whole scene just made me sad. Not because it was white people these men were yelling about, it was because satan was winning this battle and using the Bible to back it up. Again, nothing unusual. Adam and Eve fell for satan twisting God's word then playing the blame game in retaliation to their own misdeeds. I went home and prayed about the whole thing. I've never come up against any type of racism in my life....at least not against myself. Since I have been here, it seems an on going deal. Something I can't change about myself, even if I really wanted to, is the very thing that condemns me in the eyes of certain strangers. This is a struggle I feel is necessary for growing. I need to be able to see these types of issues from both sides.

So there you have it. That was it. Hopefully I didn't bore you. I thought it was quite a juicy story. Tonight I'll be spending the night at the church because I cannot get up early enough to get there for band practice. Oh... I don't think I mentioned before that I play in the band at church now. Now you know! :) I'm going to a friend's house tonight to play board games and things of the like. I'm very excited to do something social. It's been a while. A greatly appreciated break in the routine.

I love you all and will be posting again next week!

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE,

Cody

PS- Read this in my Francine Rivers book. Thought it was fitting.

" What we believe about God determines how we serve Him."