Memento Mori.

Hey, everyone! Time to update!

( Warning: It is about 1am Saturday night, so there are grammatical errors galore in here. I'll be back tomorrow or Monday to clean up the double negatives, the misspellings, the left out words etc.) <3>


Exciting news on the family front. Most of you know my sister Danielle is having a baby. I forgot to mention earlier that the baby is, in fact, a little GIRL! WOOOOOP! She will be Khloe Isabella Griffin. I am already in love. So that was amazing news. One more familial update... my big brother (Gary) is getting marrrrried! I am so soossososososoSOSOSOsosSSOSOOOsoso excited. His fiance's name is Lynnette. She is wonderful and she has a son who is equally as wonderful. His name is Maddox. Gary's adopting him, so he'll be Maddox Samuel Hudgens. Yay! His birthday was yesterday, so a BIG huge happy birthday to my sweet nephew! So in conclusion, I have a niece on the way, a new nephew, and a new sister. CRAZY! The Lord is so good. My family is definitely emerging into a new era. New, exciting, and a little scary.

( Iglesia)

Before I came here, I was told by my Grandma Sue that I had some relatives that lived on the Upper West side of Manhattan. I didn't really think much about it until I got a call from my relative, Jeno, a week or so after I got here. We finally made plans to meet. Last Friday night, they took me out to dinner at a really nice Italian place. Their apartment is wonderful. I met Jeno's husband, Paul, who is from Greece and has a very thick Greecian accent. He is very cool. They are married and have a son named Jordan. He is 4, I believe. He is so bright. The fact that Jordan is so extremely smart did not suprise me as much after talking with Jeno and Paul over dinner the first night. They are both physicists. Jeno does research at Columbia on stars and such. I couldn't even begin to try to explain to you what she does. Just saying stars doesn't give her justice whatsoever. She works on theories for....I'm really not sure. Either way she is astonishingly intelligent. Paul works more in chemistry. He builds computers that simulate molecules....I believe. Lol I feel so unintelligent trying to explain what they do. Anways, they met when they were both doing research at Harvard. Now they live here and are raising Jordan. They are very welcoming and generous and so cool. I really like Jordan. I got to babysit him Thursday night and it was very fun.

(My friends told me not to eat just any snow lying on the ground, but I definitely could not resist.)

( El Parque)

After school has been going really well. I am having a hard time not loving my kids to death. I know there are rules about how you can interact with them. Only touching their head, being careful about being too loving, hugging them too much, or showing them affection that could be misunderstood. This literally kills me a little on the inside. Most of you know how I am. Being weird and lovey is innate to me. It's like it's stitched to my clothes, and there is no hope of changing it. I've been having to watch myself carefully. This is a whole different world than I'm used to. Chris and I started breaking the afterschool kids up into two groups. We figure the ones who have accepted Jesus should be learning further about the foundations of the faith, while the others need to hear something completely different. On Tuesdays I am teaching the ones who do not know the Lord yet. We tried that for the first time this week. I decided to talk about the parable of the prodigal son. It was amazing. These kids are usually the ones who cause the most inerruptions, talk the most, and have a hard time paying attention, but when we broke down this story, it was like they were different beings. I had them each read a certain section of the story and tell me in their own words what was going on. We defined a parable as a story that had some other meaning behind it. I told them this so that they could have that in mind while reading the story. After we got done reading it, I started asking them who they thought the characters could be. I asked who the father could be, and they said " Jesus." This is the safe answer they all know is most often correct, they guessed well. Then we got to the son. The son who had taken his dad's fortune, abondoned him, spent his money on whores, went hungry, lived in pig slop, and came running home. I asked who Jesus could be talking about their. I heard " Jews"...nope, guess again. " Satan?"...good guess, but still no. I waited and didn't see any more hands. I looked at one of the boys and said, " The son is Brandon." His hand shot up. " WHY ME!?" then said " The son is me as well, and Marisol, and Xanthia, and Raymond...etc." By now everyone was dead quiet. They couldn't believe that this story was actually talking about them. They'd heard this parable before, but I don't think they ever got the point. Jesus died for our sins. He is offering us a new life full of grace and devoid of shame. When we know about Him with our heads but refuse to devote our hearts we are taking advantage of the Lord. He has given us life, and mercy, and the grace to simply breath, and we take that energy and time and body that He has given us and waste it on things that have nothing to do with Him. Those whores could have been lust, or tv, or money, or pleasing others. I said that some of us in the room are running away from Him. I asked them. " Once the son came home, what should the father have done to him?" We decided he either should have gotten beat, maybe made a servant, ignored and turned back... Then I asked how the father in the story responded. He threw a party! He rejoiced and said his son that was once thought dead was alive, once thought lost was found! Did the dad ask what the son had done with all his money? Why hadn't he called? What was he doing while he was gone for so long? No. We talked about how the Lord isn't as concerned with what we've been doing. He's looking for our hearts, hearts that are longing to simply come home to the one who made us. This was a lesson I needed hear myself. Taking myself back to the basics and reminding myself of who I am, and where I've been is truly making me more and more thankful. I've felt like that son. I've felt I've wasted all my resources, taken advantage of grace, spent my money on lesser lovers, went hungry while in the middle of a mess I created for myself. When I was preparing the lesson I was almost in tears. It's so odd how we forget such basic teachings of the Lord. Everyone's heard of the Prodigal Son, but I'm not sure how many people really are affected by its magnificent implications. Everyone was quiet after we prayed in closing. I'm praying this story will stick with them and that the Lord will open their eyes to things they normally would not understand. I am doing my best to let the Lord work through me.

( The skies were beautiful this day)

( Pretty Cottage)

My friend from home, Ashley recommended a book to me and it is truly an absurdly good, full of truth kind of book. It's called The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. It has definitely been bringing to light some things in myself I have simply ignored for a very long time. Bevere said, " The most effective way for the enemy to blind us is to cause us to focus on ourselves." This is so simple, but when I read it I feel like I've almost become numb to falling into this trap. Everything in our culture is telling us to be thinking of ourselves constantly. Buy clothes and cars and houses and electronics for yourself, save your money, go on a vacation you've always wanted to take, go to this or that place because it fits into your schedule. These things are fine on their own...money, vacation, electronics... but it seems we've just lost focus all together. If people truly cared about others as much as they cared about themselves, and if people thought about Jesus and His cause as much as they thought about their own health, problems, relationships, etc, I wonder what Christianity would look like. Jesus makes it clear that our lives are not our own. We're to die daily. It sounds fine as it's stated in scripture, but when it comes to applying it...it's a different story. Taking time to do something for someone else when I planned to do otherwise? Loving someone terribly unlovable? Going to a place I don't desire to go at a time inconvenient for me? Forgiving someone I'd rather be bitter towards? I have got to remember that we are simply conduits of grace, vessels in need of the Lord's filling, clay to be molded by the Potter, otherwise dead until life is spoken into us...nothing on our own. We have purpose because it is given us, we have life because it is given us, we have salvation because it is given us. It scared me once I got to thinking about how much I think of myself and how many decisions past and present I've made not seeking the will of the Lord, but seeking self protection.

( Let it snow, let it snow, let it snnnnow)

John Bevere also talks a lot about offended people. He talks about how many of us make decisions, act, speak, preach, perhaps only in retaliation to past hurts... to offense.. There's something about making ourselves vulnerable to one another that scares the living daylights out of us. The truth is, true love gives someone the right to hurt you. I've been learning this slowly but surely. This lack of true love tears marriges apart, breaks relationships, promotes the holding on of bitterness and anger. I have to own my not-my-owness (ok, that's not really a word) and be unoffendable. I MUST forgive until it hurts and then some more, even if it's not reciprocated. If you sow Christ's love, you will reap..."even if it's not in the same field you swoed it in."Because I feel I have been wronged or truly have been wronged does not give me a free ticket to withold the love of Christ from anyone. I must drop my high expectations of those around me, especially the ones I hold most dear, and see anything given as a blessing not something owed. I must no longer see the world through a filter of past iniquites, but see the world in the eyes of the One who created it. The church lacks real love. Love that isn't puffed up with pride. Love that edifies and is given even when rejected. Love that isn't seeking it's own advancement. Love that isn't self preserving. Love that isn't look out for itself. Love that forgives every time. If we are in Christ, theresponse to our salvation should be a lifestyle of thankfulness , and a desire to love like we have been loved. I pray everyone at home or whoever reads this can become unoffendable. Too long have we held on to grudges. Too long have we been blind to our silent hatred. Too long have we been numb to our own sins. Too long have we qualified mistreament of a brother according to human reason. May our love no longer grow stale and result in self preservation. May we let go. Let go of bitterness, hate, animosity, unease, unforgiveness, silence. I pray that the walls we've built up for ourselves that keep our pride protected will come crashing down around us. May we be vulnerable and genuine in everything we do. May we loosen the tight grips we've held on our lives. May we forgive . May we let true love penetrate our hearts and spill over into our actions, whatever the cost may be.

Phillipians 2: 1-4
"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."

Luke 17: 3-4
So watch yourselves. If a brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying 'I repent,' you must forgive them.